Re-Boot

It was one of those mornings...

Last night I slept with first one and then the other of my girls -- a privilege, but one that doesn't always lead to a well rested Momma. I didn't get out for my run because of the weather. Violet got as far as a shirt on before she decided that she was dressed for the day -- pj pants and uncombed hair for her. Evie has forgotten how to nap since our trip to Cali. Thank goodness she is still a GREAT night time sleeper, but days are one long string of snooze, cry, eat, cry, fight sleep, snooze. Robbie had to leave early for school in order to get caught up on work.

It didn't help that after a trying day yesterday, I had been SOOOO ready for bedtime...which had turned into almost three hours of Momma and Daddy switching off which crying girl they were trying to comfort. The big sister who was all out of sorts for no identifiable reason or the little sister who kept getting woken by the big sister's crying. So. Suffice it to say that even a good morning may not have looked so great through my cloudy colored glasses.

I was already scheduled to spend part of the day down at my Mom's for a visit, but by the time I got Violet and Evie loaded in the car I felt more like I was running away. And nothing could have been better for us! Five hours of forgetting unpacking, skipping spring cleaning and playing unabashedly with each of my girls -- able to give them each my undivided attention while Nana and "How" entertained the other. Ahhhh... Who would have guessed I needed a vacation right after my vacation?

Nothing was different when I left. Still hadn't gotten to run. Still a suitcase full of stuff for me to trip over. Still loads of dirt springing up all over my house, waiting to be cleaned. But my girls are a day older. A good day older. One where the moments may not have been "picture worthy" or that I'll remember in detail forever, but a good day where I got to enjoy them. For who they are. Today. It was like each of our attitudes toward one another got a "Re-Boot." And it was great.

Can you believe that these sweet faces really ever cause any trouble?

Our new gift

Because...

...I got a wonderful camera for my birthday gift.
...I haven't shared these with anyone yet.
...these are too good to sit on the hard drive.
...there are many reasons I intend to begin blogging again regularly.
...our girls are an amazing gift from God.
...I just wanted to share.

Enjoy! :)

In case you hadn't heard...

Initially Girl Baby Announcements

Shutterfly has cute birth announcements and Valentine's cards.

View the entire collection of cards.

"I Wish...."

I heard this for the first time on Tuesday. We were on the way up to Tucson for an appointment and this voice from the back seat says,

"Momma...Momma....I wish we could have a puppy at our house."

Well, I guess she knew to start with a doozie! Since then, I've heard a few "wishes" a day. And I've taken special note of them. Because Violet seems to understand that a "wish" isn't for just anything. She saves it for the special stuff.


"I wish I could play toys with Hopey!"

"I wish we were goin' to Caf-i-lornia ta-day!"

"I wish we were sleepin' at Gramma and Crampa's tonight."

"I wish we could see Al......I wish we could see Al and Junianna."

"I wish we could stay at Nana and How's a couple minutes."

"I wish I could go ta school wif Dada."

"I wish Abby was comin' right now!"

"I wish How could play toys wif me again."

"I wish it could be Chris-mas tomorrow."

"I wish I could see Gumbo and horseys and rockets.....and ride on dem!"

"I wish Kuhsten could come be here wif us."


I love hearing my daughter's "heart's desires." And I hope that she always has "wishes" that are generally so people focused and relational.....and that as she grows that one of her foremost relational "wishes" is regarding her relationship with Him.

Tonight I wish that I don't forget to treasure these moments, to remember what she says, to store these things up in my heart. These are good days...

Oatmeal Cookies

I always think about Jessica when I make oatmeal cookies.

To be honest, I don't think that I've made oatmeal cookies in 1 year, 10 months and 14 days....ok, I probably hadn't made them in while before that either, but...

I don't usually realize that I've subconsciously cut myself off from something until I go to do it and have a mini melt down. Or as Violet would say "Whatcha freakin' out 'bout Momma?"

The oatmeal "moment" wasn't too bad. But I did miss my sis. Miss sending her care packages with homemade oatmeal cookies -- something that I didn't do nearly often enough.

And now, I would have been able to take them right to her. Often.

Instead I avoid going to Tucson. Almost at any cost. A few weeks ago, when I finally HAD to drive deep into Tucson (my computer charger died and well, I'm sure you all can see how attached I am to my technology right now), I cried from the minute I got off of the freeway until I reached my destination.

She is supposed to be here!

I knew that moving here would be so difficult in this area. Aside from missing our family, friends (things that are huge) and well.....Disneyland.....it has been really wonderful so far. I LOVE getting to see my Momma weekly for "Sunday Dinner" and often in between. I enjoy getting to know Hal better. I am amazed by how little more time I have been at home 40 hours a week, but how much more fulfilled I am than being at work those same 40 hours. We miss our church in CA, but have found a wonderful church here and are already starting to connect with leadership and find areas to get involved in ministry. I am astounded daily by my little one's adaptability, while getting to hold her as she still misses "Caf-i-lorn-ya" and familiarity. It brought such comfort and a smile on Tuesday afternoon this week as we pulled into the garage and for the first time instead of "Is this Ana-zona?" she shouted, "We're home!"

But what only one insightful individual was able to verbalize to me before I left remains:

"It's going to be very strange for you there, with your family, but without her... isn't it?"

So, so true. "Strange" doesn't even begin to describe it. I want to think of all of the things that she could have finally been a part of -- and NOT by Skype. But I know that is useless. The truth is, I *know* that she is healthier, happier, filled and well. But that doesn't change the fact that for me, for now...it "sucks." And that is what she would have said. "THIS SUCKS!" And then, because she was who she was, she would have sighed, made a joke about running the next person she saw over with her wheelchair, gotten a Diet Coke and moved on with her life.

And so for you, SEEZTER...

"Shuh. I'm so running the next person I see over with my.....toddler. No Diet Coke -- you'd kick my booty for feeding your new niece Diet Coke."

And so tomorrow, I go back to Tucson. It won't be any easier. And I'll still probably cry. But I'll probably also giggle a little thinking of you running people down in the Disney store, trying to make sure your Violet got the best spot and enjoyed her free gift.

An Interview with Violet at 2 1/2

Stolen blog idea and interview questions from our friend Carissa's blog. Thanks for a fun conversation with Violet my friend!

What food do you like: "I want meat."
What's your favorite show: "MINNIE!!!!"
What's your favorite color: "I think blue" (Really? Not according to all the PINK in your room!)
Who are your friends: "Hopey and Abby"
Where is your favorite place to go: "Li-Bary"
What do you like to play: "My people" (Little People)
What is your favorite toy: "I sink (think)....I sink....Minnie and Daisy. Dada likes Goofy."
Who is your favorite princess: "Aurora"
What do you eat for Breakfast: "Carrots" (Ok, maybe I shouldn't have asked while she was eating carrots.)
What do you eat for Lunch & Dinner: "Carrots" (See above)
What do you like to drink: "Ga-Ga" (Water. YAY for the one remaining "baby" word.) "And juice too."
How do you help Mommy: "Yup"
What do you like to do with Dada: "Go to Disneyland!"
What do you like to do with Momma: "Go to Disneyland too!"
What's your favorite animal: "Spider Web" (Yuck!)
Favorite book: "Bear Book" (ABC book with the bear on the cover)
Where do you sleep: "In my bed" (Hallelujah, mostly true!)
What makes you happy: "Momma"
Where do we live: "We live in Ana-Zona"
Where did we used to live: "In our house."
How did we get all of our things here: "A yellow truck!"
What do you think about being a big sister: "I don't know!"
What are you going to do with Baby Sister: "Hold her in the bath tub so her head doesn't fall in the Ga-Ga."

A New Week

I'm not the most organized, regimented or controlling person in the world. I'm ok with that. I think it's part of why my marriage, parenting style and household work.

It's been an interesting combination to be so relaxed and trying to help Violet with the potty learning thing at the same time... Being so open, I wasn't really pushing or "training" her, but had become very aware of the signs that she was "ready" and went ahead and decided on Tuesday afternoon to get her "big girl panties" and have "the conversation" with her. She (of course) picked on Princess Panties (if you read this, but don't FaceBook, princesses are her OBSESSION right now - especially Aurora, Belle and Cinderella together) and was R.E.A.D.Y. to put them on Wednesday morning. By noon on Wednesday, I was exhausted and rethinking this direction. But not that Violet! She is totally committed to this and although she has varying success, has a complete breakdown any time we even discuss putting on a diaper unless she is going to bed for the night.

In light of trying to be supportive of Violet's determination, we have pressed onward. I've become acutely aware that my frustration when we have an "accident" is often directed more at myself then at her as "I should have been paying more attention" or "I should have known better." I want so badly for her to feel successful and am very much aware that at this young age, the potty thing is honestly more my responsibility then her's. Can I just say: I love diapers. Makes life so much easier.

So in the midst of all of that, accompanied by the onset of feeling some loneliness after being away from friends for 4 weeks, magnified by the box or two still left unpacked in every room of my house... I let everything fall apart.
Have let the mail pile up - knowing that there were bills that need to be paid in the pile.
Have let the dishes pile up - knowing that the dishwasher could easily be emptied and reloaded.
Have let the cleaning go undone - knowing that the dust and ick were only contributing to my feeling "down."
Have let us do next to nothing - knowing that the sitting around only exacerbated Violet's frustrating behaviors and "hyperness."

So. Today, following what I can only assume was a bit of a depressing conversation with a dear friend, I realized: I am so lucky to have people who love me enough to listen to me moan and groan. I am so lucky to have a little girl who wants to play with me even when I'm not my best Momma self. I am so lucky to have a husband who doesn't say a word about the mess our home is becoming. I am so lucky to have a Lord who loves me despite my bad attitude. I am so lucky to have a new week ahead of me to make the most of.

And so, I did something that I don't enjoy. I sat down, and against my "natural" nature, made a chore and activity schedule. It was almost comical to me to realize that as I got to scheduling Thursday and Friday, I almost didn't have ENOUGH work to stretch over the 5 days of the week. I allow myself to feel so overwhelmed with "everything I have to do," but when I look at it as Baby Steps, with a little routine and planning, I can accomplish what I need to within the next 5 days! I probably wouldn't want to live my life like this forever, but for today...

...it gave me HOPE!

We'll see how this week goes, but I am reminded of how fortunate I am and how with God's Blessing I am the one who controls what I do with the time He has given me. So.... Let's see how this week goes!